Choosing to stay together after infidelity is a huge decision; it will require sacrifices and adjustments. Infidelity causes traumatic experiences to a person. It causes loss of trust, feeling of insecurity and less loved.
Here are some things to remember if both of you choose to continue your relationship despite the circumstances:
Be Honest and Transparent
The victim of infidelity might have some big issues trusting the other party again but honesty is the key. One needs to be honest and transparent to his partner even if it means sacrificing a little of your privacy. Allowing your partner to check your messages, social networks, and phone will give them the idea that you are no longer cheating and that you are being honest.
Infidelity can turn your relationship upside down and it will greatly affect one’s trust. But, remember that honesty begets honesty. If you are the victim of infidelity, it does not give you the right to cheat on your partner; just be honest despite everything that had happened. If he commits the same mistake, then at least you’ve done your part of being faithful to him.
Expect Mood Swings
Being in a traumatic experience will cause sudden change in their mood. The feeling that they’ve been cheated and lied to is very painful. Infidelity causes fear and it can also damage their self-esteem. And because of this, it can cause reoccurring dreams, unwanted thoughts and flashbacks, and even intense anger.
All you have to do is to understand them. Never get angry when they are, don’t be so defensive and when they ask you questions (I mean a lot of them and most of the time it’s all the same questions over and over again for weeks or months), just answer them calmly and with all honesty. Remember that you cannot calm an angry person with the same anger that they’re throwing at you.
Seek for Support
Choosing to be in a relationship is hard, what more would it be if there is infidelity? We cannot just easily buy a manual like “Staying in-love 101” or “The Step-by-Step Process of Curing Infidelity”.
Seeking support from common friends, family, and even some religious institutions is helpful. People will give you insights based on their personal experience that is somewhat related to yours. It is easy to let others in, your friends and family because they become the leg that supports your relationship. The feeling that there are people who support your decision as well as your relationship somewhat shows that being together is a good decision and that someone believes in your relationship.
And remember that in everything, God is there. He is our biggest support system. Make Him the third party of your relationship.
Your partner might lose their trust but never could they easily lose love. Remember that both of you, from the very beginning, are so in-love with each other. And one doesn’t lose it that easily. Each of us made mistakes in our life, no matter how small or big it is; we just have to accept that we are not perfect and we should learn to forgive ourselves and others.
Love is the cure because in the first place, it is also the same reason that both of you decided to stay together. Bear in mind that love is an outcome of acceptance, honesty, respect, trust and of course, understanding.
One must learn to accept that people make mistakes cause they aren’t perfect; be honest to trustworthy enough; respect your partner’s decision; trust in goodness, that every person has goodness in their hearts, all we need to do is give them a chance to prove it; and most importantly, understand them.
Every decisions we made comes with sacrifices, all we need to do is to make sure that everything is worth it. Choosing to be in a relationship with someone whom you unconditionally love gives you happiness but at the same time it also gives you pain and heartaches. But isn’t it worth all the pain and heartaches? Of course it is, simply because in the first place we cannot truly be happy unless we have felt pain and rejection.
So if you are one of those couples who chose to stay to be together despite all the challenges your relationship have been through, well, I am so happy that there are still couples who chose happiness and love. Stay in love and happy; make that second chance worth it.